When you step into a leadership role for the first time – especially when the people you now lead were recently your peers – you may be surprised to notice an invisible wall forming between you and the members of your team.

The colleagues you once vented with about company quirks or second-guessed management decisions will now hesitate. Conversations that used to flow freely may now feel guarded, and the openness you once shared may start to fade.

They understand that in your new role, you are now the voice of the team to upper management. They know that the former peer who once stood shoulder to shoulder with them is now responsible for decisions about their pay, promotions, opportunities, and potentially even their jobs.

What once felt safe for them no longer feels quite so secure.

You might think, “But they can trust me! I’m their friend.” And you mean it.

However, the reality is that you can no longer be just their friend. You can, and should, still treat them with respect. You can, and should, continue to value their contributions. You can, and should, maintain high expectations for their performance. But your new role will require you to turn those values into decisions about compensation and career growth, decisions that will impact their financial well-being. You will be tasked with representing your team to upper management, as well as implementing decisions from above – some of which will be difficult to stand behind. Some of those decisions may also need to remain confidential.

They can still trust you, but what they trust you to do has shifted. You now need to earn their trust in your ability to advocate for the team’s needs, highlight their accomplishments, and support their career goals. But they should no longer expect you to participate in conversations that undermine morale. They should not expect you to disclose confidential information, such as company financials, staffing changes, or upcoming reorganizations. Your role now is to safeguard the team’s morale and lead them forward – not to be their confidant or colleague in the same way you once were.

Striking a balance is key. I still joke around with my team, but I make sure the topics stay professional and appropriate for the workplace. I share personal details about my life, as they do with me, but I keep private anything sensitive, such as my religion or other protected topics. I communicate through my words and actions that friendship is not a factor in decisions regarding promotions, raises, or when it comes time for constructive feedback.

My advice to you is this: Recognize that this wall exists, and understand that it exists for a reason. Accept it. Learn to get comfortable with it. If you can’t, then a leadership role may not be the right fit for you. In the effort to preserve friendships, you may find your professional judgment compromised. And while your intentions may be good, treating people differently just because you like them will ultimately do more harm than good.

Have you experienced this divide yourself? How do you navigate it? I’d like to hear your stories.